im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
