Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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