So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
