new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
