What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
