You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
