i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize