I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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