Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
