Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
