She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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