Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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