Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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