I bet he comes in French.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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