Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
