people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
