We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
