Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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