I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It's Friday. Sex?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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