Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We need to rekindle our bromance
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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