break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize