she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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