Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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