Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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