tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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