You made me cry and you don't even care
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
