Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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