What tipped you off? The sombrero?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We just shotgunned beers for America
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize