Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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