This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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