saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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