Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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