Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Someone signed my nipple.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
