Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
There r osticjed everywhere
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
