I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
well you can't waste a boner
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
