we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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