i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
