is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
