dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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