Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
