can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We are all done wearing pants today
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
