im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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