I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
MIDGETS
????
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
