Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
