Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How naked do you want me to be?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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