it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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