So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
