you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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