Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
