Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
