i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
im holly from the hills drunk
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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