You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
