It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
