Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
