I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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