i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
