Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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