You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
A+ Viking dick
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