Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
