apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
