At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
