bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
