I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
