i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
