I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
whose parrot is this?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
