you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
