Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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