you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
