i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
