you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
