so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
