I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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