can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's never too late to be topless.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
