Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
