Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
