get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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