Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
