There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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