Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
