Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
