Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
