I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
