That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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