You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The feeling are messing with the penis
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
