I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
