you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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