I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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