News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The uberlube is also flammable
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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