Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize