your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
