I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
