I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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